I. 91 DAYS, 5 HOURS, 41 MINUTES, 18 SECONDS
So yes, the title says all you need to know, in that I have about (let's see...)
"91 days, 5 hours, 41 minutes, and 18 seconds" to have successfully (yes),
to have successfully founded A GIRL FRIEND, before my DEADLINE DATE
of "Saturday, December 20th, 2014 (the midnight, following)", and yeah,
thanks to this website (TIMEANDDATE.COM), yeah, it gives me access to
something called a "time calculator" (lol), which, by entering "today's date"
(09.20.14), and (yes) my deadline date of (12.20.14), it tells ya EXACTLY
by "days!/hours!/minutes!/seconds!" how much time I have left on my side,
and indeed, as we get closer to deadline time, I will providing 'time updates',
reminding you, how much time I got left, along with my 'progress updates'.
II. A COUNTDOWN (WTF?!)
So yeah, it sounds quite crazy for one to have to put a *COUNTDOWN*
on themselves, in terms of finding a "RELATIONSHIP" by a 'certain date',
but yeah, WELCOME TO MY LIFE, its what I pretty much do EVERY YEAR
(particularly 5 of the last 6 years), and no doubt, they've all come (lol...)
SAD ENDINGS, to say the very least, in which I was very, very much
UNSUCCESSFUL in my hard fought efforts (attempts) to get a girl friend.
You would think, after all these years, I would been able to (idunno) LEARN
from that bullshit, but no, I'm about go on that ROLLERCOASTER again!
This is where the importance of FRIENDS come into play, to, you know,
STOP ME from doing such things, but sadly, I still continue to HAVE NONE!
III. LAST CHRISTMAS (2013)
So 'Last Christmas (2013)' was very much a TRAINWRECK CHRISTMAS
to say the least, as I was indeed unable to found A GIRL FRIEND (awe)
in time for Christmas (set deadline date of '12/23/13'), so what did I do, lol,
well I headed on down to the LCBO, and yeah, got myself 5 BOTTLES of
hard liquor, IN ATTEMPTS TO drink my (holiday/relationship) woes away,
and I say 'in attempts to', because I kinda failed in achieving "said" goal,
due to the fact, I (as in, my body) couldn't really quite 'handle' hard liquor,
and yeah, I actually ended up throwing majority of it DOWN THE DRAIN!
Needless to say, I have no 'plans' as far as resorting to 'alcohol' (binging),
this coming holiday season (just gonna have to 'resort' to something else).
IV. CHRISTMAS MORNING (2014)
So I want to talk about Christmas morning, and how much it means to me,
and fact I haven't recalled having a 'good Christmas morning' since, well,
before the start of The Millennium (yeah, since the 90's), which isn't to say,
every one I'd had, from the year 2000 to most recent (2013) have been bad,
but considering the circumstances of my life, in addition to the fact, well,
my life has considerably 'spiraled' (downward) from 2000 to present day,
in addition to the astonishing fact of NEVER HAVING HAD A GIRL FRIEND
(all my entire life), yeah, perhaps it would lead one to think (that maybe),
in order wake up HAPPY on Christmas... I NEED A GIRL FRIEND FIRST?!
So yeah, genius idea, I should probly TRY LOOKIN FOR A GIRL FRIEND.
V. MANNEQUIN HEAD
So yeah, as time dwells on, between now and deadline time (12.20.14),
I guess it's pretty easy to say, I will be becoming more and more 'CRAZY'
(if you wanna use 'that word') leading in to the coming (2014) holidays,
in my STRUGGLE in trying to find a girl friend, which indeed, is what it is,
a 'struggle', having been trying for MORE THAN HALF MY LIFE NOW,
trying to find MY FIRST GIRL FRIEND/FIRST LOVE, to no real success.
Alot of ideas are coming at me, (somewhat) 'crazy' ones, to say the least,
like one, for example, where I might go buy a (female) MANNEQUIN HEAD,
and yeah, claim her as my *TEMPORARY GIRL FRIEND for the time being*
until, you know, I've (successfully) managed to get a (REAL) GIRL FRIEND.
VI. BUSINESS CARDS
So, I wanna make note of the fact that brand new DVSNGH business cards,
that's right, BUSINESS CARDS (lol), actual, physical 3 x 4" printed cards
(intended to promote my blog site and twitter, and yeah, spread word around town that I'M SINGLE and IN NEED A GIRL FRIEND... not joking)
they are in the "designing stage" atm, and yeah, they should hit the streets
mid-October time, and when I say 'hit the streets', I mean *literally*,
cause that's what I do, dump them on the streets, and (stupidly) expect
PRETTY GIRLS to spot em 'on the street', pick em up, and HOLLA at me.
Having tried this whole 'business card experiment' thing so many times,
and getting NOTHING out of it, you would think I'd know better by now.
VII. BUSINESS CARD REMINDER
So yeah, I thought I let y'all know, I did kinda run into a minor problem,
with my last set of (custom) business cards I had ordered (October, 2013),
due to the fact that my co-workers (at #RestaurantThatCannotBeNamed)
apparently came across them, and if you can believe it, but *somebody*
went and posted (a pic of) it on INSTAGRAM, as some sorta "WTF?!",
and yeah, it became a HUGE running joke *with the boys* the kitchen,
for about 2 weeks, and still to this day, I would get 'asked' about it.
I later came to find out, that 'somebody on the bus' (who knows me?)
had spotted them (my cards), since that was one my 'strategic spots',
where I would leave them (the bus), so a reminder not to do 'that' anymore.
VIII. (STILL) EMPLOYED
So, at the time of this very writing, need I point out I am (still) employed,
and yeah, my position is indeed secure, and for as long I (obviously)
don't do anything FUCKED, I won't have to worry (about getting FIRED).
But that's the thing, as I approach closer to *DEADLINE TIME (12.20.14)*,
well, things are going to get MORE AND MORE CRAZY (for me, internally),
cause say, we're in November, and STILL I COULDN'T SCORE 1 DATE!
I'm pretty much gonna *FLIP*, and yeah, and if it pretty much becomes
*apparent* that NOT ONE SINGLE BITCH WANTS TO DATE ME (lol),
and I'm basically HOPELESS, well, that's gonna lead to *BAD THINGS*,
and if I get ARRESTED/JAILED, as result of it, say "goodbye" to my job!
IX. DRUGS
So, you know what they say about DRUGS, "they're bad for you!" (lol...)
and "you shouldn't do them!", and yeah, you shouldn't *CONTEMPLATE*
wanting to do them, not even for A SECOND, but guess what? bitches.
I AM VERY MUCH STRONGLY CONSIDERING DOING (YES!) DRUGS!
Particularly COCAINE, although I hear it's quite expensive, so maybe not,
but second on the 'temptation list' is METH (hopefully it's lil bit cheaper).
And no, I'm NOT JOKING by any means, about what I'm talking about here.
And if indeed, I DO choose the route of drugs, I fuckin may as well just (lol)
QUIT MY JOB, before, you know ("I'm unable to get up n' out for work").
Needless to say, December is gonna be a hard month for me, "if I'm single".
X. 647-780-9571 (ANONYMOUS LOSER)
So, if you weren't aware, in my whole QUEST TO FIND A GIRL FRIEND,
I am infact on numerous online dating sites/apps (4 months in counting),
one being, OKCUPID.COM, who btw keeps on DELETING my account.
So a few weeks ago, some TARD, by the number '647-780-9571' texts me,
and flat out on the very "first sentence of the first text" REJECTS ME,
saying, "I don't want to date you...", but yeah, wants to HELP ME (awe),
and then proceeds to give me the DUMBEST FOOL'S ADVICE ever!
And yeah, she didn't tell me who she was OKC, choosing to be anonymous,
hence the label "anonymous loser", and yeah, she goes whining the fact,
"Ppl try to help me, and I push them off", lol, GO FUCK YOURSELF, BITCH!
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