DIZTURBIA.COM | EPISODE 33 / CODE:RED | "FUCK WEDDINGZ (4 LIFE)" | 03/20/15

I. 

Hey it'z your boy DJ DIZTURBIA (a.K.a "DVSNGH" Dave Singh) here,
proud to bring to ya a very, very special and emotional blog broadcast
focuzed mainly on WEDDINGZ, that'z right, HOLY MATRI-BULLSHIT-MONY!
being written live on Brampton mothafuckin Transit, on ma way to ma job,
and yes, I gotta job (surprizin az it soundz, being the mentalfuck that I am),
and prolly doezn't help, in mentioning, what exactly it iz I do for a living,
be that, I MAKE FOOD, lol (omgz, scareee, who eva wanna eat food I MADE!),
buh anywayz, the focus on today'z writing here iz indeed on WEDDINGZ,
and tha fact that, YEAH, I never ever ever (Taylor Swift, lol) plan to go one
ever again, fo tha rest of ma life (and I'll explain juz WHY?! in thiz very blog).

II. 

So yeah, where tha fuck to begin, so imagine you decide to go to your mailbox,
and you see a "cute, little red envelope" in it (made out to your parentz),
and you later see it (open) to find, what inside, a wedding invitation (awe),
a wedding invitation from who, oh, juz another cousin you not really close wit,
but becuz yo last name iz either tha same az (or closely associated wit) theirz,
they "feel" az if they are "friendz" with you, or that otha f-word, "family" LOL,
when the reality iz, they could GO FUCK THEMSELVEZ, oh and yeah,
take their fuckin wedding reception invitation and FUCKIN SHOVE IT!
To say thiz "invitation" made me ANGRY (upon sight), lol, fuckin right,
and (the word) 'angry' would be an understatement to say the very least.

III. 

So there'z no doubt in ma mind, I intend on NOT going to thiz "wedding",
although I kinda haven't yet made this announcement to 'tha rentz',
though I've made it clear to them (especially the last 5 yearz), that yeah,
I FUCKIN HATE WEDDINGZ, and yeah, I take em quite 'personal' :P
Now tha last wedding I had gone to, wuz in 2008, for a cousin'z wedding,
in New York City (and no, I didn't get to see "the city", during that trip),
back at a time, I kinda had no say/control of ma life, ontop a bein unemployed,
so yeah, I pretty much wuz *FORCED* to had to go to that wedding.
Luckily, when I did (later) find a job, I wuz able get more control of my life,
and wuz able to (more eazily) say "FUCK YOU!" to (family) weddingz.

IV. 

And speakin of (me) sayin FUCK YOU! to family weddingz, yeah,
that bringz me back to 2 yearz ago, when I refused to go to another one
of my cousinz weddingz, out in Scarborough, and tha fact that I (lol)
cited "my (restaurant) job" az the reason I couldn't go (to tha wedding),
despite tha fact, I coulda eazily taken 'the night-off' (to attend that BULLSHIT),
but yeah, I basically -clinged- to ma workplace, to save me from going :P
Funny though, the next day (after the wedding reception), the parentz be
tellin me how, a numba of peoplez were askin bout me, and where I wuz,
and they had to tell em all, "he couldn't be here cuzza work", awwwe </3
So that wuz the first wedding (among the many to follow) I'd boycotted :P

V. 

So yeah, there'z not only ONE wedding, but TWO "I gotta go to"
thiz summer (2015), the otha being anotha cousin'z wedding, of all placez,
NEW YORK FUCKIN CITY (yeah, I got "tha opportunity" to go to NYC!)
and yeah, LOL, I made it fuckin clear to tha rentz... I AINT'Z ATTENDIN!
So yeah, thiz (cousin) iz tha younger sista of tha same (female) cousin,
who'z wedding I'd been -forced to attend- (cry me a river) back in '08,
an experience (havin to attend both tha wedding ceremony and reception)
that left me -EMOTIONALLY BATTERED N' BRUISED- by the end of it.
I sooo didn't wanna be there, I even had my skullcandiez (earphonez) on, lol,
for nearly the entire wedding reception (up until my iPod battery died).

VI. 

So yeah, that wedding (the one in NYC) iz scheduled for mid-May,
and the otha (taking place in nearby, Mississauga) iz scheduled for early-July,
and yeah, I got NO INTENTIONZ of attendin either fuckin one a them,
oh and yeah, the only fuckin way I'm going, iz if I GOTZ ME A GIRL FRIEND,
and I obviouzly know, that'z NEVA GONNA FUCKIN HAPPEN, in ma lifetime,
but I figure I juz throw THAT THOUGHT (previous line) out there anywayz,
seeing az I am a firm believa in MIRACLEZ, lol, you know what I mean.
The "miracle" being, that WHOEVA JUZ SO HAPPENZ TO BE READIN THIZ,
will either (...step forward...) and BE MA GIRL FRIEND or in some way
HELP ME IN FINDIN A GIRL FRIEND, so I can "happily" attend theze weddingz :)

VII. 

Soundz sadistic, in me sayin it, but had "the invitation" been sent to me
(not my parentz, like az in tha mail envelope wuz in my name, to open),
yeah, I woulda ripped tha thing up in a million piecez (or maybe do one furtha,
set FLAMEZ on thiz motherfucka,not givin one fuck that "IT'S FAMILY!").
It'z ma parentz 'property' howeva, so yeah, got no 'planz' on doin any that.
But how special, they even had MA NAME (hand-written, by whoeva)
alongside ma parentz namez, not to leave me out (like I mean something).
Thiz bitch (who'z gettin married), andso I'm told, iz a 'second cousin',
and let'z see, I recall meetin her like 5 timez total in ma life, and we prolly talked,
lol, like 5 minutez total, ma point bein... she meanz fuckin NOTHIN to me!

VIII. 

Az far az tha other cousin goez, yeah, I LIKED her (do note, the past tense),
and yeah, at ONE TIME we were close, and I literally mean ONE TIME,
at a family party 2 yearz ago (2013), we both talked for like over an hour,
which I found astonishing in that, in the previouz 20-something yearz,
we mighta talked a total of 15 minz, but we really bonded that night,
alongside the fact, I wuz extremely PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED to her,
and had a hard time staring off her cleavage, and she didn't seem to mind it.
I wuz told after tho, she had been drinking a bit (before we had talked),
and if not all for tha liquor, she wouldn't given 2 shitz to wanna talk to me.
Moreso wit thiz cousin than tha otha... SHE CAN GO FUCK HERSELF!!!

IX. 

So I should prolly explain what it iz I got against weddingz (bout time, eh),
k, um, now it aintz like I wuz alwayz against em all ma entire life or anythin,
or that there wuz 'one' wedding (of the 8 or 9 total I'd attended my whole life)
that caused me to DESPIZE weddingz, far az I recall, I didn't really mind em,
juz when came to findin the proper clothingz to wear, that often be a bitch.
But yeah, when you go to weddingz az a little kid, you kinda get fed (LOL)
*the assumption* or "belief" that, um, -YOUR TIME (TO GET MARRIED)-
WILL COME, you juz gotta live your life, and eventually, thingz will go -AZ HOPED-,
meaning, YOU FALL IN LOVE here n there, then eventually FIND THE ONE!
But when you've come to realize, you were neva meant to fall in love, well then...

X. 

Well then, kinda changez your whole 'perspective' (of weddingz) doesn't it,
and it not only makez one 'ponder' if they should really, you know, go -or- no,
but for me particularly, it goez far and beyond that, and dare I fuckin say,
I take it az an INSULT, to have to attend a wedding ceremony/celebration,
considering yeah, all I've had to go through (slash, SUFFER THROUGH, yeah)
in termz of searchin and tryin to my very bestest "in finding a girl friend...",
but to no avail (awe), despite all avenuez I've tried (online, barz, clubz, mallz).
So yeah, I thought I make "tha official announcement", righ here righ now,
that, yeah, I DON'T PLAN TO ATTEND ANOTHER SINGLE WEDDING
for the rest of ma life (...FOR AZ LONG AZ UNTIL I FIND A GIRL FRIEND) <3


Paragraphs I, IX and X written on Brampton Transit bus (Brampton)
Paragraphs II through VIII written at Bramalea City Centre mall (Brampton)