I.
Hey it'z your boy DJ DIZTURBIA (a.K.a "DVSNGH" Dave Singh) here,
comin at ya in a real, real (hate to come off somewhat "scary" in sayin thiz),
A REAL, REAL, REAL, REAL, REAL DEPRESSED MOOD! To say tha least.
Here btw at (you should be able to guezz) #BCC/#Bramalea City Centre mall!
And yeah, az iz alwayz tha case, ALONE (cuzzz I got NO FRIENDZ!).
But yeah, I currently got going one of themz "carry over" depression drillz,
where basicly, you go to sleep, feelin sad n' mizerable (bout life n' thingz),
and then, you would think (yeah, you would 'think'), when you wake up (later),
you'd feel (at least a lil) better, but naw, you actually feel a lil *WORSE*,
but then, you decide to hit tha shower, thinkin you might juz wash it off,
but no, it still lingerz with ya, and you wonder when it'z gonna finally get lost!
II.
So yeah, on a lil side-note I should note, I haven't had dinner tha last 2 nightz,
and since I gotten up today, no mealz since then, so what can I really say,
ma appetite haz taken a somewhat leave of absence, although not to say,
I've stopped eating completely (been living off small things, ie. muffins, etc.),
but yeah, assuming (whoeva'z reading thiz) haz been followin tha story,
in about -less than 2 dayz time- iz MA BIRTHDAY, and yeah, needlezz to say,
I'm not really looking forward to it, and in all honesty, suckz havin to say it,
(but I gotta say it anywayz) I REALLY WISH I NEVA HAD A BIRTHDAY!!!
It'z one of them on-growing sentimentz, to say tha least, stemmin from tha fact,
yeah, ma last 10 (straight) birthdayz have SUCKED MASSIVE BALLZ!
III.
So I should note tha fact, I had taken a "week of absence" from ma workplace
(#RestaurantThatCannotBeNamed), hence, tha fact I got all thiz "free time"
to write/post out all tha many (long) blogz I'd put out in tha last week.
Have to admit, though I had told em, "I wuz exhausted and needed a break",
that kinda wuzn't tha 'real reason' I'd chozen to take thiz mini-hiatus!
Have it be known, tha reason I went away, haz to all to do with ma bday,
and indeed, *THA HUGE GREY CLOUD OF DEPRESSION* that hoverz over it.
Say, had I had to work today or tomorrow (tha day before ma bday),
dunno what to tell ya, I juz wouldn't be able to perform well on tha job,
with ma mind fulla so many (DEPRESSING) thoughtz (surroundin ma bday).
IV.
So yeah, ova tha course tha past week, I went n' made a few 'attemptz',
a few attemptz at what(?), well, I few attemptz in tryin to ignite a "meetup"
(with complete random strangerz through various social-media formz),
and what can I say, peoplez, I FAILED BIG-TIME! (it'z what do I best, FAIL!).
But yeah, in ma proposal, I even threw in a cash sum of $300, az a simple
THANKS and appreciation for taking tha time, even more, having tha will
to "take a chance" on me (rather than being a PU$Y like 99% of tha rest!).
So yeah, I wrote up thiz message, I put a lot of time n' thought into btw,
and yeah, got completely REJECTED (no-replied by a good, I'd say, 95%),
and of tha very few who replied, it wuz either with 'sarcasm' or 'suggestionz to
call an escort' (newsflash: $300 only getz you ONE HOUR with an escort).
V.
So tha realization finally hit me, that what I'm goin thru right here, right now
iz no doubt ma biggest and toughest emotional struggle/challenge to date,
in my life, far and byfar exceeding tha anxietiez that a been buildin inside a me
going into VALENSHIT'Z DAY (February 14th) juz a few monthz back.
I'd probably rank V-DAY and MY BDAY az tha #1 and #2 most painful
and agonizing of all calendar datez for me, juz typin* about it painz me.
But yeah, depending on how well I'm able to *HANDLE* myself on ma bday
(in less than 24 HOURZ from thiz writing), yeah, either gonna be "OK!"
or (idunno) I could DO/SAY SOMETHING (wrong), and yeah, "THA PIGZ"
(yeah, I'm talkin, tha blue n' white) will be seekin to APPREHEND ME!
VI.
So I figure let you know tha purpose of thiz blog, thiz here basically being
ma 'pre-thoughtz' going into ma birthday, a day in which I'll be headin into
feelin "quite discontent" to say tha least, and yeah, not sure to expect.
I'm gonna get up early, get maself ready, and head ma way out (alone) to
Mississauga Lakeshore (boardwalk, tourist area), spend tha day juz "chillin"
(by maself, unfortunate az it be, blessed without a single friend in tha world)
and yeah, I PLAN TO COME BACK HOME ON MA OWN, JUZZZ FINE!
And despite still havin Tha Rentz for support and all, like seriouzly, fuck em,
THEY'RE LOSERZ, and I'd rather be alone, and abandon their old assez!
They shoulda stuck to 2 kidz, lol, but they had to fuckin give birth to a 3rd,
that bein THA MISTAKE that iz ME! (I SHOULDA NEVA BEEN CREATED!!!)
VII.
So you would think, living in Brampton, and lookin to basically getaway,
but don't drive (nor access to anyone with wheelz, besidez MUM N' DAD),
I'm sure there tonnez of great placez one can travel off to (by meanz of bus),
such az, idunno, (DOWNTOWN) TORONTO (top 10 city in tha world!),
but sadly sadly, in all ma yearz in Canada, and not to mention all ma yearz
taking public transit, I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW GET DOWNTOWN!!!
Az far az I last eva recall, it'z been since about 2004 (OVA A DECADE!),
since l last been downtown (Toronto), and that wuz only cuz I'd gone with
ma brother (who'z moved out) and ma cousin (I don't talk to/see no more),
who lead tha way, since then, I neva once attempted to learn tha way maself.
VIII.
So az crazy az it soundz, tha farthest I only know to travel, by bus/by maself
(from north/west side of Brampton) iz to tha Mississauga/Lakeshore area
(Hurontario/Lakeshore intersection), az well az, Sherway Gardens mall
(at tha Mississauga/Etobicoke borderline), so yeah, tha'z pretty much it.
I'm indeed very mentally limited in termz of ma travel, if you ask me to go, uh,
take a GO BUS to come meet ya, it be quite a huge step for me (to overcome).
So yeah, had I been brought up properly, not only would I be drivin TODAY,
but I would at least know how to get downtown (Toronto) on ma damn own.
But yeah, due to ma lack in knowledge in how to travel outside a 25km zone,
it leavez me bit quite *limited* in termz of placez to really go and chill.
IX.
So I'm not exactly sure what am I going to do, tomorrow, down at Lakeshore,
prolly gonna be sittin on me arse for an hour or two or five at tha Starbucks.
Did you know, btw, that I once sat at tha same chair n' table at Starbucks
(Mississauga Lakeshore location) 5 (FIVE!) consecutive hourz, by myself,
basicly juz living off their WI-FI, and I believe, I wrote quite a lengthy blog too,
and all I juz bought wuz a large coffee and 2 cookiez, and yeah, I actually
wanted to see if tha staff wuz gonna ask me to leave, but no, they didn't care.
But yeah, seeing az I'm left to basicly "entertain myself" on my bday (awe),
yeah, lookz like I'm set to write out one lengthy (might I add, ANGRY) blog
at that very same Starbucks location (perhapz ma ANGRIEST BLOG-TO-DATE!
X.
And finally, I'd like to mention that, before I'd left Bramalea (mall) today,
I went and withdrew $400 from tha atm, despite tha fact that nobody
(NO CUNTZ, that'z right) had interest in ma lil *offer/proposal* I'd sent out
($300 STRAIGHT CASH, juz to chill with me, and show me LUV on ma bday),
yet still I went ahead and withdrew tha money anywayz, which bythaway,
I'm NOT supposed to really be doin, considering ma horrific debt situation,
and yeah, not sure what I'm planning to do with thiz money ($400, in $20'z),
cuzzz yeah, say I got SOOO DEPRESSEDDD, and decide to hit up (idunno)
A STRIP CLUB, there pretty much goez (most) *that money*, down tha drain!
But anywayz, time to go sleep now, and let'z juz see how theze 48 hourz go.
Paragraphs I through VIII written at Bramalea City Centre mall (Brampton)
Paragraphs IX and X written on Brampton Transit bus (Brampton)
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